13 Jul Albertina Fisher – Sex in Middle Age

Sex in Middle Age

Listen to Albertina talk about sex in middle age.

Albertina explains that sexual issues are down to the pressure we put on ourselves, which kills the passion for sexual engagement.

Women don’t necessarily orgasm through penetrative sex. At the same time, men think they need an erection every time they have sex, which puts pressure on them both to “perform” and pressure on the relationship.

Albertina explains that the bedroom should be a space where you can have ‘fun and feel relaxed’ to enjoy yourselves more.

When couples first get together, they are happy to try new things out. However, as we age, we become complacent about our ‘sex routine’. Albertina says we often have unrealistic expectations from pornography or cinema, where men have a fictional idea of the average size of their penis, and women need to orgasm loudly.

As with anything in life, we need to keep sex fresh. This becomes more difficult if both partners work and pass each other like ships in the night. The conversation of “Let’s try something new today” is out of the question as we barely have a chance to have any conversation due to the hectic nature of life and work.

Albertina explains that nothing is more important than sitting down in a relationship and discussing sex. Whether it’s a discussion around sex toys or expectations, whether it is watching porn together or making more time for each other. However, Albertina clarified that she thinks scheduling sex isn’t an option. She suggests scheduling time for intimacy instead, but this doesn’t have to mean sex. It can be time spent together, enjoying hobbies, cuddling on the sofa, or cuddling naked in the bed without intercourse.

She said the trick is to take away any pressure and take a “see what happens approach.” She explained that it’s rare that both couples feel desire simultaneously, but there is such a thing as responsive desire. This involves creating an environment that fosters desire, but again, it’s a balancing act between not creating pressure, managing expectations and seeing where it goes. This approach helps you feel more like lovers than roommates living together.

However, if you have very different sexual drives and tastes, then that is something that definitely needs discussing with an expert if it’s significantly impacting the relationship.

Volker Ballueder, one of the podcast hosts, enquired whether he would still get it up at 90 as sex changes from teenage sex to couple sex at 90. But we need to broaden the definition of sex and understand that this can include everything from a stand-up quickie in the kitchen to lying naked together without penetrative sex.

Volker mentioned in today’s society, we can get sex on demand via apps, with location-based buzzers to inform you that someone wanting sex is in the vicinity.

Obviously, a relationship is based on more than just sex, but how is this impacting future generations’ relationships? Listen to the podcast and find out more.